Emotions that Signal our Needs

Feeling stressed, anxious, down, angry, sad, overwhelmed? How troubling emotions can be helpful Can’t we all identify with the emotions I’ve just listed above?! Who would know, though, that something very useful can come out of them – even the chance for a comeback after feeling so set back in our lives. 

Let me explain some more. As humans, we all have needs that require our attention. Our first reaction to being asked about our needs though might be to dismiss them and their place in our lives. After all, we want to feel strong and immune to the risks that life can serve us up, and thinking about our needs might make us feel weak or literally ‘needy’. Many of my clients have shared that thinking about their needs has at times gotten them in a defensive and denial mode.

 I’m encouraging you though to have a re-think about that. Let’s face it, from the day we’re born, we have needs. And having needs of some sort or another will be part of our experience throughout our entire lives. Let that sink in for a moment. In understanding this, we come to realize that having needs makes us simply human. In other words, they’re a basic feature of and a necessity for our humanness. They’re not a sign of weakness at all. 

 In our attempts to appear as if we’re living a strong and confident life, we try and ignore the needs that are calling for our attention. Our emotions, especially the ones we don’t like, will try and alert us to what we’re neglecting. In search of strength, safety and confidence though, we might try and ignore and suppress our feelings – especially the distressing ones. We end up turning off the protective alarm system of our emotions that signals the existence of our unmet needs.

 If ignored, immeasurable stress can then accumulate, even leading to burnout physical sickness and health concerns. But what vast and positive opportunities can also come out of this. So what feelings of worry and stress reveal to us is that it’s time to take care of our own needs. These emotions work as signals and message bearers all in one. 

The ebbs and flows of stress are very natural because we face demands coming from every domain in our busy lives. But when our stress is peaking and sticking around, it’s calling out to us to slow down and catch our breath, and even to do some figuring out and some planning. If you allow yourself to feel the stress, you’ll be able to identify your needs too – especially the ones that have been forgotten or somehow been lost. 

Each person’s needs are very specific to them. There is no cookie cutter approach to this. But here are some of the broader needs that most people can identify with, even if they’re not sure how they apply to their own everyday lives:

 Security 

Autonomy 

Emotional Connection

 Social Connection 

Attention (give and receive) 

Privacy 

Sense of self and personal value 

Achievement 

Meaning and Purpose. 

Perhaps you’ve been attempting some of this figuring out already. We understand when we feel hungry that we have a NEED to eat. That same concept applies here. In other words, as part of our counselling work, we can start to identify what needs of yours are surfacing and asking for your attention at this time. In our counselling together, we can share some more about this aspect of your experience - about what lost needs at this time are calling out to you. We’ll find too that the solutions will follow nicely in time.